The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped in that way.

Just how can this be? Sixteen years because the Big D? — the withdrawal for the wedding ring? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, possibly, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift ideas for newlyweds. I’m a believer in breakup gift ideas; that’s whenever one of many two events will need the toaster really.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated significantly more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with anyone who has provided a restaurant on the awesome appetizers) with me(I blame it.

Never ever mind the 2nd date. The toughest to nail down, this despite having personally “flattered” many females in the past 16 years it’s the first date that’s. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word originate from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fiery hands.

Example. The scenario that is oft-repeated

Me personally: therefore, could you are taken by me down for lunch?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered you have actually expected me down —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you have got a passport.

Seems promising, right? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), because of this girl has more to state about them.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out, but that you have asked .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? Exactly what? It does not matter. None regarding the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) of this women that stated these were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never wound up venturing out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Ladies reading my terms now are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and most likely reasoning, “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We require a word that is new. Must send memo.”

My recommended replacement for flattered: sickened. “Scott, i will be sickened me out that you have asked.” Perfect. Why overcome round the bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as a good option to set the phase for rejection, a humane solution to harm (in essence, making the woman feel a lot better in regards to the turndown, perhaps maybe maybe maybe maybe not the man), a softening associated with the beaches prior to the big blow to male ego, making a man feeling like a turd in a tin glass.

An internet dating girl we came across did consent to fulfill for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested almost all of that trip to the funeral house where her mom ended up being being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — utilizing the burial slated for the day that is following. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a delicate man, however if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask if she required a romantic date when it comes to funeral (and even though perhaps she did). I’m maybe not that hopeless ( maybe maybe maybe maybe perhaps perhaps not so it’s beneath me personally to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might mention, could be a good title for the rock-band).

I’ve learned several other activities about dating within the ages that are middle.

Usually do not purchase your gf Mace. Used to do this when, concerned about her safety whenever alone. Then, within a stroll, we recommended we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She clearly didn’t just take the news along with I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the eye burn that astonished me, it absolutely was the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed resistant to the wind, which implied most of the spray went back to her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we cried and gagged, and someplace in the insanity that lovers share, we thought: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t buy her a handgun.

If the date is excited to attend Barnes and Noble to not have a look at publications but to drive the escalator, she actually is 1) much too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one day at Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips regarding the escalator).

Cross country dating works until it does not. On a few occasions, as a result of the joys of online dating sites (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a romantic date), We have driven extremely far for very very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining dining table after she finishes her steak, lobster and million dollar martinis) that she really isn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship (but not until.

Attempting to make away for a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on a lot of amounts. Guilty. No 2nd date.

Adequate on my help guide to dating within the old. I’m certain there’ll become more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate with a punching case heart. Now then, if I’m able to just work out how to not ever flatter somebody whenever I question them away.